Why Your Kids Not Doing Their Tasks Can Trigger Childhood Wounds

You ask your child, “Please clean up the dishes.”
They nod, maybe mumble “okay,” and then… nothing happens. The plates sit there, the crumbs harden, and suddenly, you feel something much bigger than mild frustration. It’s anger. Or maybe sadness. Maybe both.

And then comes the guilt — “Why am I so upset about something so small?”

You’re not alone. For many adults, moments like this are not really about the dishes at all — they’re about something much deeper.

When the Present Echoes the Past

Our children have a unique way of mirroring back to us the parts of ourselves that are still unhealed. When your child doesn’t listen, or doesn’t follow through, it can trigger the younger version of you — the one who didn’t feel heard, respected, or cared for.

If, as a child, you often had to do things on your own — maybe you were the “responsible one,” or your needs were brushed aside — then seeing your child not take responsibility can awaken old feelings of unfairness or invisibility.

It’s not really about the dirty dishes. It’s about that deep, unspoken need:
“Someone, please help me.”
“Someone, please listen.”

Unmet Needs and Emotional Overreactions

When you feel an outsized emotional response to a small situation, that’s often a sign that an unmet childhood need has been touched.
Maybe you were raised to believe your worth was tied to productivity or perfection. Maybe you learned that being good meant keeping everything together.

So when your child doesn’t cooperate, your nervous system doesn’t just see a kid ignoring chores — it senses a loss of control, rejection, or even disrespect. Your body remembers what it felt like when no one helped you.

How Trauma Therapy — Especially EMDR — Can Help

When emotional reactions feel bigger than the moment, it’s often because your body is remembering an old experience as if it’s happening right now. Trauma therapy helps you separate then from now.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a proven therapy that helps the brain reprocess painful memories so they no longer trigger intense emotional responses. During EMDR, a therapist guides you through recalling a past event while engaging in gentle left-right stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping). This helps the brain “digest” the memory — storing it as something that happened, not something that’s still happening.

Over time, this means that when your child doesn’t clean the dishes, you’re less likely to feel that surge of old anger or sadness. You can respond as your adult self — calm, present, and connected — instead of reacting from the wounded child within.